Slone13 here with a recap of this week’s new fall TV shows. Well guys, I’m sorry to say it, but so far this new fall TV season is not yielding much in terms of solid, testosterone filled, manly television. For the last week I’ve been holed up in my modestly sized mansion in the mountains doing nothing but watching tv. (To be honest I did venture out briefly on Wednesday to slaughter a deer with my bare hands for sustenance, but I was back on my huge luxurious leather sofa within 45 minutes.) Anyway, without further ado, I give you my thoughts on the new fall shows:
Chuck: Some show about a nerd and a lady spy. My DVR screwed up so I didn’t actually watch this. It looks stupid though.
KVille: Once I heard that it was about cops in New Orleans post-Katrina I decided to play video games instead. Keep your politics out of my TV.
Journeyman: Fuck this show. I was watching the Mets game, but my buddy Greaney saw this and said it was a rip off of Quantum Leap. Sam Beckett ruled!
Reaper: The only reason to watch this show is because the chick from Stick It is in it. Yeah, I saw “Stick It”. And I frickin’ loved it. And if you don’t think a movie about hot chicks wearing skin tight outfits doing splits and shit is hot, there’s something wrong with you.
Cane: I don’t really know what this show was about because when I found out it was about SUGAR cane and not co-CAINE I lost interest.
Kid Nation: This show strands 40 kids in a deserted town and makes them fight each other to the death. Pretty cool.
Private Practice: Fuck you if you think I would watch this shit.
Dirty Sexy Money: See my review of Private Practice above.
Bionic Woman: I started watching it because I was hoping that they’d have a guest starring scene with thementernet’s Babe of Yore Lindsay Wanger. They didn’t. Oh, the show sucked, too.
Pretty shitty new shows, huh? In lieu of the situation I have decided to make special notice of one returning show. A show that I am nearly certain was created with thementernet in mind. That’s right. LAS VEGAS. Quite possibly the best show on television returns this week and it’s gonna be hot. Basically just Baywatch in a Casino it’s got tons of hot babes, action, suspense, some light comedy and all the preposterous scenarios you’d want in an hour long piece of television gold. PLUS, Tom Selleck, Uber-man, Magnum Motherfucking PI himself joins the cast this season. I’m telling you, if I could fuck a tv show, this one would be it.
Well that’s it. If you think I’ve forgotten a show or you disagree with me please feel to email me at slone13@fakemail.com. Till next time, suck it.
Great reviews Slone13.
Right on target.
One thing you missed though, a naughty little show called “Life”.
Despite myself, or rather, it’s lame trailers, I watched the pilot and it kind of suprised me as it kicked ass.
The female lead is hot and she’s a dirty alcholhic whore which is awesome. At one point in the pilot, she gets heroin blown all over her in a gun fight and has to jump into a shower to wash it off.
Need I say more?
One to keep an eye on.
handie time!
Dead on, sloneman. This season feels lackluster at best. I have no idea what beej is talking about, but I’ll check out Life then pants him later if it sucks a fat one.
I completely agree with handsome pete, it is handie time.
sam beckett did rule. yeah, and seriously, how do you have a show named cane and have it not be about caine, or like michael caine. love him.
oh, you forgot FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, which actually is the best show on television, will be returning this week. october 5th. 9pm.
Yo, can I get some love on LIFE ?
Anyone see it?
You can NOT get any love on LIFE. Sorry. I am a busy man. I only have so many hours in my day to watch TV. I will not be devoting one of them to LIFE.
Slone13, when will we see more of your wit on this crappy site? Seriously, when you’re away, so are the readers.