Holy Crapsticks! Thanks to the one we call Spoony for throwing this glorious link our way.
You should be able to figure it out. In case you are slow (and/or from Delaware), here’s how it works.
1.) Put this up on your screen. BIG RED FUN BUTTON.
2.) Tell a joke like this one: “Hey, what’s the difference between jelly and jam?” “I can’t jelly my ____ in your ___!”
3.) Hit the red button. (Wait for noise.)
4.) Point at person you told joke to and say, “Ha, ha - now hit the road, you big sack o’ potatoes, you!”
Works every time. Guaranteed.
Great job. Congratulations everything.
What is birth control?
The other thing a woman can put in her mouth to keep from getting pregnant.
A guy stops over his buddy’s house and his friend’s wife answers the door. She tells him that her husband is not at home, and invites him in. He says, “I’ll give you $100 if you show me one of your breasts.” She agrees, and shows him one of her breasts. He takes another $100 bill from his wallet and says, “I’ll give you this other $100 if you show me your other one.” She agrees and shows him the other breast. He says, “Thanks, that was really nice” and he leaves. When her husband gets home she tells him that his buddy stopped by. He says “Great, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?”
Little Patrick asked for a bike for his birthday and his dad said, “we’d get you one, son but the mortgage is $160,000 and yer ma’ has just lost her job.” The next day, Patrick walked out with his suitcase packed. His father asked, “Patrick where you going?” Patrick replied, “I walked past your room last night and heard you tell mom that you were pulling out, then I heard her tell you to wait ’cause she was coming too; there’s no way I’m staying here on my own with a $160,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!”
Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital.
“Well,” answered the man, “I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically.”
The other man decides to follow this advice and finds a bakery nearby. He tells the clerk behind the counter that he wants all of the loaves of rye bread that they have in stock.
The clerk then asks the man, “do you want whole loaves or do you want us to slice them?”
The man looks puzzled and asks the clerk, “what is the difference?”
The clerk responds, “Well when it’s sliced, it gets harder faster.”
To which the man responded, “How come everyone knew about this but me?”
