So I walked into the Burger King this morning at like 10:54, sure they were gonna tell me that breakfast was no longer being served, but I must lead a charmed life because guess what? Breakfast was totally still being served. So I ordered my usual. The # 1. That’s a sausage, egg, and cheese croissandwich, those little hash browns that look like Tater Tots, and orange juice, just in case you are unfamiliar with the Burger King breakfast menu. While I waited for my order I happened to notice a sign on the counter advertising a new item called “cheesy tots”. After some haggling with the girl at the counter, I was able to substitute these new cheesy tots for the regular hash browns. Talk about a fucking upgrade! Holy shit, where have these things been my whole life? Burger King, you’ve done it again. This life altering taste sensation inspired me to write a short poem. I call it “Ode To The Cheesy Tot”:
Ode to the cheesy tot
Cheesy tot, oh cheesy tot
Fresh from the fryer
Piping hot
Far better than a “normal” tot
What were those?
I forgot
Cheesy tot, oh cheesy tot
All filled with cheddar
Hit the spot
To live without them, I cannot
So fucking good
Oh cheesy tot
My body is literally shaking like a junkie at a Methadone clinic… I am SO pissed it’s not tomorrow morning right now, cuz I am waking up to go see the King. Cheesy Tots! YES! OF COURSE ! So simple and so genius.
The King is truly a God among men. Is the Enormous Omelet Sandwich still around? That sandwich is known as a “truckstop” in some circles but I digress. All hail the King!!