Thanks to Bill for passing this one along. I highly recommend using it to prank call your stupid friends at work - all you need is a computer and some decent headphones that are not those silly earbuds that fill up with your own disgusting wax (seriously, you’re sick).
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The US National Soccer team defeated Mexico 2-0 last night!!!
After the match, US midfielder Frankie Hejduk was slapped in the face by an assistant to Sven Goran Eriksson. I think this Sven character is on team Mexico, but frankly, I don’t know and don’t give a rip. His assistant is a real a–hole.
Hejduk’s response was pretty awesome: “At the end of the day, no one was hurt. There was a little love tap and that was it. I still have my face. No damage done. It was fun. That’s just how emotional this game is and that’s how passionate they are about their sport. It was none of their players - I want to make that clear to everyone.”
Team USA travels to El Salvador for the second game in this final round of qualifiers on March 28th.
USA!!!!!!! USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Big ups to withleather.com and RJT]
Here are some sports highlights that have occurred over the last week or so…and that, in this sports fan’s opinion, aren’t worth a full story in and of themselves. (At least not on The Menternet)
Brett Farve Retires, Again. Signaling six more weeks of winter. From jsonline!
Lady Vols Coach, Pat Summitt, gets win 1000. (Yes, this is about a week old, but quite an accomplishment which I’d be remiss to leave off “The Dump”) Volunteer TV!
A-Rod admits to using Steriods [Ed. note: Wow. Shocker.] And Commissioner Bud Selig is still contemplating what to do about it [Ed. note: Wow. Shocker.]
From MLB!
And while we’re on the subject of Major League Baseball, Spring Training begins this weekend. [Horraaaaayyyy!!!!! (fart noise)] From The Sporting News!
Finally, here are some scores from around sports last night: 2 to 0, 101 to 87, 63 to 49 and 69 (Whoo Hoo!!! Ed.) to 52.
I think that’s all I can muster up today, sports fans. I’m trying to decide on an official “Dump Day”. However, unlike life, I may just do the ‘Dump’ whenever I feel like it.
GO SPORTS!!!!!!
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a huge fan of soccer. Some of my buddies love it, and I’ve started to grow to appreciate it on some level. However, I love this country and sports, and when a team representing this country competes, I get excited…no matter the sport. Continue reading ‘It’s Futbol, but it’s AMERICAN Futbol, Mother F-ers!!!!’
Holy Crapsticks! Thanks to the one we call Spoony for throwing this glorious link our way.
You should be able to figure it out. In case you are slow (and/or from Delaware), here’s how it works.
1.) Put this up on your screen. BIG RED FUN BUTTON.
2.) Tell a joke like this one: “Hey, what’s the difference between jelly and jam?” “I can’t jelly my ____ in your ___!”
3.) Hit the red button. (Wait for noise.)
4.) Point at person you told joke to and say, “Ha, ha - now hit the road, you big sack o’ potatoes, you!”
Works every time. Guaranteed.
Great job. Congratulations everything.
Congrats to skibum69 on handily winning the last contest with the brilliant quip about the gentleman smoking hundreds of cigarettes at once with, “Hey look at the guy smoking all those cigarettes.”
Well kids, it’s time to knock whoever this clever skibum69 is off of his high horse of crafty wordsmithery. Please ponder the pic below and submit the clever in the comments. Ready? Great. And… GO!
A former colleague of mine finds the idea Russian Roulette unsettling, but to Hell with that guy, right? (Just kidding, love you, bro - just this once, I am asking you to accept my poetic license.) Want to know how you are going to fare with the ladies this year? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Just click on one of the selections below (there are 6 - like a 6 shooter, get it?) and what you get might be an indication of what’s in store for you. As with any game of chance, proceed at your own risk.
Good luck, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Please pretend there are killer animated graphics here with images of busty ladies and dice and coins flipping and a pistol shooting with a question mark right before you would here the “BANG!” and there would be awesome, rocking music that gets you fired up and has catchy jingly lyrics like: “Reverse Hot Chick Russian Roulette, yeah! / You never know what yer gonna get, no! / Could be great or it could be bad, yeah! / That’s the rub, you just never know, no!”
Click here, here, here, here, here, or HERE.
(Please note: all selections are equally random (if there is such a thing) - think the ALL CAPS gives you a better shot? Go ahead, click it and see what happens. Maybe it’s a trick. Or is it? Or isn’t it?
I really can’t believe the monkeys behind The Menternet gave me a birthday shout out. Seriously, I am touched beyond words. Nothing brightens my day more than best wishes from you pre-teens. Nothing. Now, I am not one to hog the spotlight on this illustrious day. So I want to salute the other bad-asses born on this amazingest day of all days.
Except.
There appears to be no one cool born on this day. Really. The only people born on September 20th appear to be no-names and a-holes. Well, there’s Upton Sinclair, who’s a Pulitzer Prize winning writer. But he’s dead, so Eff Him.
So we’ve got this chick:
She’s 16 – so settle down dudes. She also crazily enough is starring in Resident Evil: Extinction. So she’s got that going for her. Get psyched Slone13!!!
And we’ve got this gal (editor’s note: click to enlarge… her boobs):
Who you can find either at your local “exotic” joint or catch her on that new fall “Quantum Leap” NBC show.
And these musicians:
Which one’s Gunnar? Which one’s Matthew? Really – who cares?
And apparently there’s actress Allison Moore who is just a simple girl making her way in the adult film world. I bet her work in “Fuck Me: Enjoy My Ass” is spell-binding.
Now I leave you w/another actress/model/dancer trying to bust (see what I did there?) thru the Hollywood scene.
Holly Weber, you can do it, woman!
Don’t say Momma didn’t do nothin’ for ya.
I want to take this time to write about the greatest typo. Ever.
The tit typo.
About 99% of the time I type ‘ about ‘ and ‘it’ back to back…it reads out ‘abou tit’..
And everytime I type the ‘tit typo’, I immediately throw my hands straight up in the air, and yell ” yessss! ”
I think everytime that happens, sirens and bells should go off like you’re the fucking millionth customer at the A&P, a trap door in the ceiling should open up releasing balloons and confetti, and Ed McMahon comes out to interview you Publisher’s Clearing House style…
Boobie Lipps (10:58:09 AM): i didn’t mean to make you self concious abou tit
Sirens blast, trap door opens, confetti falls, out pops Ed to a Boobie Lipps who’s fist pumping in the air.
“Congratulations Boobie Lipps on your ‘tit typo’!!!”
“thanks Ed!!, oh man! I’m so excited! I mean, gosh, I need a second here…”
” take your time Boobie ”
” seriously, this is the greatest moment in my life, I had a good feeling today would be the day that about it came out abou tit…and it happened, this is so fuckin awesome ”
” well congrats to you Boobie Lipps, yesssss! Congrats… to.. You!”
*** yes, that’s my AIM screen name
Monday, September 20, 2007
Mr. ___ _________
Courtyard Marriott
___ _______ Drive
________ NJ 0____
Dear Mr. _________,
On Saturday, September 8, I spent the evening at your Courtyard Marriott. I am writing to you to voice my dissatisfaction with the way your hotel reacted to a poster than was on my door. Because I jokingly decorated my door with a photocopy of a friend of mine with the words, “The Life of the Party,” someone at your hotel put a warning next to it. It informed me that if I were to hold any kind of party in the room, it would be shut down and the police would be called. The last time I checked, in the United States of America, citizens are allowed to make jokes without being threatened or intimidated. I am not so naïve that I would expect to throw a “Rock and Roll” style celebration in my hotel room. The posting was only meant to make it easy for people to find the room because I had friends who needed to use the room to get ready for the wedding we attended that afternoon (and maybe get a couple of cheap laughs - sort of like when I pull my balls out of my pants and run around screaming, “My brains fell out!”).
Continue reading ‘I Am The Customer, And I Am Always Right, Assholes!’
