If you’re like me, you probably look at signs when you walk past them. It passes the time, and fills you in on what is going on in the world and tells you what to buy. I realized the other day, that I’ve been seeing these “Ultra Mix” CDs advertised all over the place and never really knew what they were all about. I still don’t know, but I’m fascinated because their advertising campaign is so super ultra sexxxy. My assumption would be that the dance, trance, or salsa music on the CD would be boring, repetititve, and shitty, but upon further review, I’m starting to think that the music would be like having super ultra sex with the babe on the CD cover: totally awesome. Then I see the DJ names and think, “Oh shit, that guy is probably huge in New Mexico cutting it up on the ones and twos and emceeing wicked underground parties where the beautiful people they dance and they laugh and they stay young forever.”
I mean, how could you not want to run out and buy this, this, this, and this.
We loved the trailer for Strange Wilderness ever since Slone13 introduced it to us weeks ago because, among other things, there is a sweet 4-time joke repeat at the end. The movie opens on this Friday and looks promising as a comedy that may or may not feature Bigfoot and definitely features Ernest Borgnine (as Milas).
If you’re still not convinced, check out the boobs in this “red band” trailer.
In a move that is sure to put them atop High Times’ list of the “kindest states,” California has decided to put pot in the same category as ice cold soda and delicious candy bars. That’s right, party people: marijuana in the golden state is now machine vendable.
Smoke up, it’s 4:20 somewhere, man. Wait until Space Cake hears about this; he’s gonna lose his mind.
When asked for comment, Woody Harrelson and Matthey McConaughey looked at each other, grinned, said, “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!” in unison, then high fived each other.
Thanks Luda, good to see that people still know from partying in 2008. You had me at, “Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless/Feels like a midget is hangin’ from my necklace.” Then when I saw what you did with those lines in the video, I was like, “Oh shit, that shit is crazy genius!”
Then today when I saw that picture, I was like, “Oh shit, I love drinking vodka… and blacking out… and waking up in Coney Island.”
R.I.P. Allan Melvin. On the Brady Bunch, he was Sam “The Butcher” Franklin and on Thursday, he left this world for the great big meat locker in the sky. We always liked the guy and couldn’t believe it when Oliver and Bobby went all Hardy Boys on him that time they suspected him of being in cahoots with the mysterious Mr. Grodksi plotting something rotten for papa Mike. Sam wouldn’t get involved with Polish spies, he was a man of honor, decency, and fine meats; not an international evil-doer.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Alice. May she find a suitable meat-delivery system to fill the void and the strength to forge ahead in this fickle game we call life.
If you don’t know what a caption contest is, you probably shouldn’t be on the internets. This was sent in to us by our friend’s cousin who got on our bad side for laughing at us for knowing who Rihanna is. He is making amends slowly but surely. A couple more quality finds and maybe we’ll issue a full pardon. Maybe.
What? “Bo Derek should be a Babe of Yore by now,” you say. “After I saw her in Tommy Boy, I went out and rented some of her earlier work and was blown away - how could she not be a Babe of Yore yet?”, you ask. Well, after reviewing the many, many emails, we went into the files, watched the films (often, one-handed, with frequent pausing and reversing), tallied the votes and said, “Why yes, she should be!”
Long Beach’s very own All-American, this statuesque, voluptuous, vision of hotness won our hearts in Blake Edward’s, 10 then nearly made them (among other things - woooooooo, get it?) explode in Bolero, then amazed us with her self-referential turn in Tommy Boy. Bo Derek is an icon of film and the glossy pages of the classier men’s magazines.
Bo, you are a powerful legend in the flesh and in my dreams when you come to visit me. It all seems so perfect until I walk past a mirror and realize that I have been transformed into a horse by my archnemesis, “Old Scratch.” Oh Scratch, one day, the tables shall be turned and I will have my revenge.
Say what you will about Bode Miller. You think he’s cocky, arrogant, a choker, boozehound and a lothario. Whatever. Name me a high paid athlete that doesn’t fit these categories (minus Tom Brady… yeah baby!) Get over it. On Sunday, he won the famed 2.5K Lauberhorn Downhill in Wengen, Switzerland & also tied Phil Mahre for the most World Cup victories by a U.S. skier (27). Here is a a little video from this new up & coming website Youtube illustrating his mad gnar skills. It’s in italiano, so feel free to place on mute after 10 seconds in. Sure it’s not the “most” exciting clips to brave the world wide web, but I challenge YOU to ski down a mountain at 94 mph. Oh wait, that’s if you can ski after crapping your pants b/c of nerves. Personally, I think he was gonna nail it when his sweet mustache coach screamed “C’mon Bode, Hammer down!” Who is not going to crush it after hearing those words?
I’ve always said, “Any story would be made better if you add Terminators.” I mean, you’re never gonna catch me watching Gilmore Girls, but if they added Terminators? I’m there. Project Runway? No way in hell. But Project Runway with Terminators? Sign me up. If Will & Grace had been Wiil & Grace & Terminators, I would have watched the entire series.
Needless to say, when FOX debuted The Sarah Connor Chronicles this week I was pretty excited. Now right off the bat I want to tell the geeks to try not to get their Spider-Man Underoos in a bunch. There’s no Arnold, the series completely ignores what happened in Terminator 3, and there’s some plot holes you could drive a Mack truck through. But if you can’t get over that and enjoy some sweet Terminator on Terminator action, you’re an asshole.
I’ve only seen 2 episodes so far, but both have included multiple Terminator fights, hotchicks, and brief nudity. And really, what more could one ask for in their television?
So make sure you check out The Sarah Connor Chronicles. If you don’t like it, I don’t care. Slone13@fakemail.com
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