Man, this is the best thing to happen to combines since I lost my left arm in one of these babies back in ‘88 (still living off the settlement, bitches). Apparently, a bunch of people get together to watch the heavy machinery equivalent of Godzilla On Monster Island. It involves a good amount of booze-houndery and a great amount of smashing into each other.
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Archive for December, 2007
I had a real hard time finding anything on the lovely Lee Meredith (the original Ulla from the 1968 Mel Brooks classic movie that turned in to a play then turned in to another movie), but I thought, since I poked all around the internets and she is most certainly a babe, she deserves something.
Something like this picture (one of the only ones that pops up when you do one of those “searches”) and something like this other picture that I think is just a screen grab from the film and then something like this (looks like someone in another country put together all her glorious scenes in the movie in this clever, “greatest hits” salute to whackin’ off whilst trying not to look at Zero Mostel):
And there you have it. Sorry to short change you, Lee Meredith. You are beautiful, you rule, and I suck (at researching you).
You want to see a feel good movie for the holidays? Then get your ass to see The Mist. I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else has said about the movie. I’m telling you here and now that if you want to walk out of a movie and feel good about yourself, feel good about your life, however miserable it may be, THIS is the movie to see.
Let me be clear about this. The Mist is one fucked up movie. One REALLY fucked up movie. And I’m not just talking about the premise. (A bunch of people in a small New England town get trapped in their local supermarket by terrifying horrible creatures not of this earth.) I’m talking about the whole thing. Right up to the gut punch of an ending that literally had me speechless, staring at the credits with my mouth agape as the end credits rolled. No, I’m not going to ruin the ending or anything, that’s not my thing. I just want you to know that I haven’t seen a movie that devastated me like this in a long, long time.
So where do I get off calling The Mist a “feel good” movie? Well let me tell you. Never before in cinematic history have I ever been so glad to NOT be a character from a movie. Never before have I walked out of a theatre and thought “Shit, I thought I had problems, but those people in that supermarket… they’re fucked.”
From now on, whenever I’m feeling down, whenever that overwhelming sense of anxiety sweeps over me, whenever I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up, I’m gonna pop a copy of The Mist into my DVD player. Cause nothing will make you appreciate your shitty life more than this complete mind fuck of a movie.
So do yourself a favor and see The Mist. It will make you feel great about your miserable existance.
Last week, when I was giving blood (it’s good to hit the reset button every now and again - and, it’s an easy way to lose a pound in 6 minutes), the WWE film, The Condemned was playing on the TV above me. I was intrigued, so I rented the DVD from my local Mom and Pops video rental establishment. Let me tell you, it was AWESOME!
I don’t know what more you could ask of a movie. This thing had it all: death row inmates, island survival, fighting (of all kinds - remember, different exotic inmates have different fighting styles… you know, like a video game), sleazy reality television producers (who may or may not learn a lesson in the end), exploding ankle bracelets, a little bit of heaving cleavage (not nearly enough), the internet, and Stone Cold Steve Austin! Needless to say, I was in to this thing from start to finish.
Now I can’t wait to dive into the WWE’s back catalogue with The Marine, and any other WWE film to come down the proverbial pike is going to be a mandatory opening-night event (hopefully, The Menternet can weasel its way to the red carpet premiere so we can rub elbows, pelvises, something with the WWE talent we all know and love.
Please, do yourself a favor and rent The Condemned. Just don’t watch the special features because they suck balls (luckily, not enought to erase the kickass experience of The Condemned, but be warned, my friends, they suck).
This lovable little guy has been filmed all over the place doing stuff that is criminally cute and zoologically boner-tastic. Some dude who studies tiny creatures said this (while trying to hide the bulge in his pantaloons), “These creatures hop just like a kangaroo; it is amazing to watch. Little hairs on their feet, almost like snow shoes, allow them to jump along the sand.”
Read more about it here.
If you see one of these, be gentle because they are endangered.
I know this is all over the place, but we had to put this up on account of we endorse any and all films that harken back to the days when funny recreational drug use, saying the word “fuck” (really, it’s just a word; fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…), and showing boobs (for artsy reasons and otherwise) were acceptable and all over the place.
We just got wind of what is destined to be a new sports/animal/comedy/underdog/fish-out-of-water cinematic masterpiece. The tentative title is “Untitled Gerbil Quarterback Story” and the one-sheet describes it as “Friday Night Lights + funny + adorable - shaky cameras.” Our insider sent us a screen-grab from the first casting session and it looks promising.
I just hope they don’t ruin it with the sort of unnecessary poop jokes that ruined Alvin and the Chipmunks for me.
