I mean, just look at this. Three thumbs up to you, lady.
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Archive for September, 2007
Slone13 here with a recap of this week’s new fall TV shows. Well guys, I’m sorry to say it, but so far this new fall TV season is not yielding much in terms of solid, testosterone filled, manly television. For the last week I’ve been holed up in my modestly sized mansion in the mountains doing nothing but watching tv. (To be honest I did venture out briefly on Wednesday to slaughter a deer with my bare hands for sustenance, but I was back on my huge luxurious leather sofa within 45 minutes.) Anyway, without further ado, I give you my thoughts on the new fall shows:
Chuck: Some show about a nerd and a lady spy. My DVR screwed up so I didn’t actually watch this. It looks stupid though.
KVille: Once I heard that it was about cops in New Orleans post-Katrina I decided to play video games instead. Keep your politics out of my TV.
Journeyman: Fuck this show. I was watching the Mets game, but my buddy Greaney saw this and said it was a rip off of Quantum Leap. Sam Beckett ruled!
Reaper: The only reason to watch this show is because the chick from Stick It is in it. Yeah, I saw “Stick It”. And I frickin’ loved it. And if you don’t think a movie about hot chicks wearing skin tight outfits doing splits and shit is hot, there’s something wrong with you.
Cane: I don’t really know what this show was about because when I found out it was about SUGAR cane and not co-CAINE I lost interest.
Kid Nation: This show strands 40 kids in a deserted town and makes them fight each other to the death. Pretty cool.
Private Practice: Fuck you if you think I would watch this shit.
Dirty Sexy Money: See my review of Private Practice above.
Bionic Woman: I started watching it because I was hoping that they’d have a guest starring scene with thementernet’s Babe of Yore Lindsay Wanger. They didn’t. Oh, the show sucked, too.
Pretty shitty new shows, huh? In lieu of the situation I have decided to make special notice of one returning show. A show that I am nearly certain was created with thementernet in mind. That’s right. LAS VEGAS. Quite possibly the best show on television returns this week and it’s gonna be hot. Basically just Baywatch in a Casino it’s got tons of hot babes, action, suspense, some light comedy and all the preposterous scenarios you’d want in an hour long piece of television gold. PLUS, Tom Selleck, Uber-man, Magnum Motherfucking PI himself joins the cast this season. I’m telling you, if I could fuck a tv show, this one would be it.
Well that’s it. If you think I’ve forgotten a show or you disagree with me please feel to email me at slone13@fakemail.com. Till next time, suck it.
Lindsay Wagner: child of Los Angeles and divorce (I wonder what that’s like, my parents totally love each other eternally). In typical hottie fashion, she got her start as a model then turned to acting. A guest star spot on “The Six Million Dollar Man” got her a solid gig as Jamie Sommers: The Bionic Woman. She followed that up with a shitload of made-for-TV movies where she played: a messed up woman, an abused woman, a woman scorned, a mistress, the wife of a lying and cheating son of a bitch, and other assorted women.
Lindsay’s legacy is strong as evidenced in the new bionic woman. She’s still Jamie Somers, but this time around, she’s played by Michelle Ryan. You can sort of see a part of her boob here (my feeble attempt to make up for the disappointing lack of quality Lindsay images available on computers).
Also, this is just creepy.
Lindsay Wagner, you’ll always be the people’s hot, expensive, part-robotic lady. (Can you hear the cool bionic sound effects? That’s her power.)
But all the time in the world for awesome.
Sick Whiffle Ball Pitcher - Watch more free videos
So Halo 3 outsold everything yesterday making it the greatest video game in the entire universe (take that, Mario, you silly wop) and Xbox 360 the supreme ruler of all things living and otherwise. It’s making news everywhere (including England) and causing severe mind explosions worldwide (much like the one my roommate had yesterday whilst listening to Rihanna’s “Umbrella” - motherfucker, that is a good song).
A federal judge placed tighter restrictions on Michael Vick on Wednesday after he tested positive for marijuana.
Because of the result, U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson placed special conditions on Vick’s release, including restricting him to his home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. and ordering him to submit to random drug testing.
The urine sample was submitted Sept. 13, according to a document by a federal probation officer that was filed in U.S. District Court on Wednesday.
Vick, who admitted bankrolling a dogfighting operation on property he owns in Surry County in his written federal plea, is scheduled for sentencing Dec. 10.
The home confinement will include electronic monitoring. Vick also was ordered to submit to random drug testing.
Vick’s attorney, Billy Martin, kicked dirt at some people, had some scotch, and banged some whores in response.
BEEJ here, your suburban field reporter.I have been doing some investigative research on whether this new Subway generation of “healthy” (see: GAY) fast food offerings have effected the fast food business. As always I will remain objective in covering the faggots at Subway.
I decided first to take it to the meanstreets of Southern CT where REAL men live: battling bitchy soccer-mom wives, fighting for tee-times, and surviving the Metro NIzzorth.
I first went to beloved Duchess. I asked one of the employees about the new Subway FRESH FIT meals and I was smacked directly in the mouth before I could finish the question. I thanked him and asked for another.
Continue reading ‘Field Report From The Beej On “Subway: Fresh, Fit, Faggy”’
And really, who wants that?
It goes well with a ribeye, but you’ll regret it.
- Special thanks to Handsome Pete for the warning. He’s always lookin’ out, that guy.
This just in from the newswire, if you have a booming, thunderous voice like our good pal Slone13, your swimmers will shout their way to eggtown every time. Ladies be warned: you could get preggers just talking to these dudes
For some stupid reason, some people think that every Wednesday is “hump day.” In fact, today (September 26th), is actually a holiday that originated in Burma that roughly translates to, “Hump Day.” (There are scholars (nerds) who argue that it is closer to “Fuck Day,” but semantics, schmantics, I say.) To celebrate, please start humping something. What are you waiting for? Get to the humping. Ready? One, two, three, and… hump. You know, this only works if people participate. Don’t make me make you play for the boy’s team in the rugby match against the Masters this afternoon!
