Stuff Magazine meets Old Homestead meets Guns & Ammo meets Knight Rider
Okay, it’s not dirty, but it was my nephew’s first joke (from when he was 2-ish) and it gets me every time.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oatmeal.
Oatmeal who?
Hot.*
*Works best if when you say “hot,” you fling your oatmeal at the nearest adult, laugh hysterically, bang your spoon on the table, then knock your oatmeal off the table with the same spoon.
Because this is the best thing you’ll see all day. I hate to sound like a dickhole, but this time around, I’m putting my money on Clubber Lang (oh yeah, he’s due, fuckers).
In honor of this complete and total a-hole, please do your very best to sue someone today.
BBC NEWS | Americas | US man loses $54m trousers claim
Here you go: everyone sue the menternet for slander. “Hey (your name here) from (where you live), you know if you took your fat dirty thumb out of your stupid mouth, I bet you could fit at least 3 more cocks in there, you dumb douche!”
Yakov Smirnov would have a field day with this one.
It seems that there have been rumblings in the menternet community regarding our lack of coverage on the upcoming 4th installment to the Indiana Jones series - slated for a May 2008 release. So here is an exclusive shot of our most trusted professor/archaelogist on the IJ4 set.
I have to say that Harrison Ford does show signs of his age, but nevertheless still exudes his same kick ass whip snapping machismo. Hopefully, the notable supporting cast can live up to his same high standards. And w/ a rumored Karen Allen appearance, I’m on board. Bonus points if she can still pound shots w/ the best of them at the tender age of 56.
So in honor of one of the greatest action-adventures series around. A trivia test to get the blood pumping:
What name did George Lucas want to originally call Indiana Jones?
Where does the name “Indiana” come from?
How did screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan come up w/ the name for the character ”Marion Ravenwood?
What is the name of the bar that Marion owns in Nepal?
The infamous scene w/ Indiana Jones & the Arab swordsman was shortened b/c …?
The canyon in which Indiana Jones confronts Belloq and Nazis carrying the Ark was the same location used in what other George Lucas movie?
By the way, if you actually took this quiz - you are one crazy nerd. (Zing!)
23 years ago, a little film changed history. Not only did it cement Ralph Macchio’s status as leading star of his time, as he was fresh off of his exceptional portrayal of young Johnny Cade in The Outsiders - “Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.” (seriously, not a dry eye in the house w/ that line), but KK also introduced us to another standout Johnny. (Though this Johnny would endear himself to us in profoundly different ways) Played to perfection by the ever versatile William Zapka, we finally had the quintessential 80’s poster boy high school villain. Karate Kid not only explores the socioeconomics of 1984 Reseda, CA - but introduced us to quite possibly the most genius of Halloween costumes ever displayed on film - the Polka-Dot Shower (the Miyagi-made costume that Daniel-Sahn hid inside to avoid public embarrassment) This movie has everything needed for a first rate grade A drama. Working class hero? Check. Cobra Cai douche-bags? Check. Love Interest? Check. (Elizabeth Shue’s first movie as the wealthy, yet adorable Ali Mills) Kick-ass Karate instructor? Check. Fight to the death? Check. So in honor of it’s anniversary tonight, go out and celebrate w/ a pint of top notch beer, drink until you’re almost blind, and then pick a fight w/ the closest resemblence to a 80’s High School Villain. You know the type, hang outside Dorrians if you need more convincing. If you need slightly more proof as to the merits of this fine film and it’s relevance in today’s culture - please take a look at a clip from one of the final scenes set to Joe Esposito’s “You’re the Best (Around)”. And one of my favorite reaction shots at 1:55.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fua0g13djo
“He taught him the secret to Karate lies in the mind and heart. Not in the hands.” - Wiser words were ne’er spoken.
A man wakes up one morning to see that his dick is orange. He gets worried and decides to go to the doctor to see what his problem is. He tells the Doctor that his dick is orange and he doesn’t know what to do. The Doctor runs test after test and everything is normal. Finally, the Doctor asks, “What were you doing the last night?” The man responds, “Watching porn and eating Cheetos.”
Heather Thomas from ABC’s hit series, The Fall Guy (Wednesdays, 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time).
Imbedded video coming soon (Grandpa is out back working on the wiring and tweaking stuff and swearing and drinking more Manhattans than usual, so we should be close).
This is a bit long, but it’s at least 97% sweet. Check out the action at 5:48 (you’ll be like, “Oh s^%$#!” then when the dude pulls out the gun at… I don’t wanna ruin it for you).
Submitted by our resident Austrian, Swiss guy, German, Swiss Guy, German (or whatever he says he is today).
A businessman returned after 8 weeks away from his wife and their 4 year-old son. They had a lovely dinner together, watched television, tucked in the boy and went to bed. The reunited couple were so happy to see each other, they naturally made mad, passionate love. After a couple of hours, much to the man’s surprise, when he looked up from his comfortable position atop his wife, he saw their son standing next to the bed with a confused look on his little face. The man calmly put on his robe, and walked with his son out of the bedroom. “Daddy, what were you doing?” he asked. The father calmly replied, “Son, your mother and I were making a baby.” The boy did not fully comprehend, but he was satisfied with his father’s straightforward response, so he hugged him then went back to sleep.
5 days later, the father went away on business for another 6 weeks and when he arrived home, he was greeted by his young son who was sitting on the front steps of their house with a confused look. The father asked his son what was wrong and the boy responded, “Daddy, when you were gone, the mailman tried to eat the baby.”
As many of you know, Memorial Day kicks off “Boob Season” in the vast majority of major American cities (and cities all over the world for that matter). Normally (as mentioned in the post below), the streets are alive with more leg, cleavage, and overall nudity; and that in itself, is a wonderful thing. Today, I am pretty sure I saw supermodel Jarah Mariano in person, and if that old lady in the scooter hadn’t t-boned me… ah, I don’t really want to talk about it.
Like everything else, it will be over soon, so please be sure to enjoy it while it lasts.
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